Please forgive me, Tacoma. I’m a bit distracted.



As anyone who has followed my questionable career can attest to, I’m a diehard Denver Broncos fan. This didn’t happen by choice, really, it’s simply the result of being from Denver and growing up on a bucktoothed gunslinger named Elway. Factors like this sculpt a person, and I’m sculpted to bleed blue and orange. It’s just the way it is, and it’s the way it will always be. Whatever happens in my life, one thing is certain – I will always be a borderline obsessive Denver Broncos fan.



So, today (or yesterday, as is now the case) – as I sat in my office putting the final touches on this week’s Volcano and thinking about witty ways to write yet another Rock Rhetoric column – you can imagine the total and utter shock that ran through my body when I heard the news.



Coach Mike Shanahan – who had led the Denver Broncos for the last 14 years - had been fired.



Now, if you follow football you know this season was not one the Broncos’ best efforts. In fact, since a hippy dippy quarterback named Jake Plummer guided us (and by us, I mean the Broncos) to the AFC Championship game in 2005, we’ve been really, truly, embarrassingly average.



Like 24-24 over the last three seasons, average. Like, blowing a three game lead with three games to go in the sad-sack AFC West average.



But, Shanahan is a legend – and he earned that legend guiding the Broncos. For half of my life it’s been Shanahan at the helm for the Broncos – and never once would I have said I’d rather have a different head coach. As far as coaching football goes, Shanahan is as good as they come.



The problem is, in Denver he did more than just coach. He was a dictator – in control of every aspect of the team. Personnel decisions, assistant coaching hires, when to wear the alternate orange jerseys – these were all decisions that came down to Shanny.



If you follow football, then you know the players the Denver Broncos had on the field – defensively speaking – were not very good. And by not very good I mean ridiculously bad. On a team run by a dictator, the blame can only go in one direction – towards the dictator.



That dictator was Shanahan, and now he’s gone. He brought two Super Bowl rings to Denver, won one for John, and did just about everything else a football fan could have wanted – except put a good football team on the field the last three seasons. While many NFL cities would have been happy with the job Shanahan was doing – in Denver – he became a victim of the expectations he created.



So, forgive me, Tacoma. I’m a bit distracted. After 14 years on top, Shanahan is gone – and I’m a bit lost. I’m sad. I’m hopeful. I’m confused. I’m flabbergasted.



And I need a drink.



It just so happens, my need for a strong, alcoholic beverage may serve as a perfect segue into the actual subject of this week’s Rock Rhetoric– Joan Jett’s free, New Year’s Eve show at the Emerald Queen Casino in Tacoma.



First things first – if I can hold off for just 24 hours, there’s simply no better night of the year to tie one on than New Year’s Eve. It’s a holiday meant for the lushes out there – those with rock hard livers. New Year’s Eve is all about getting loaded, and if I can refrain from diving head first into a blackout style bender this evening to cope with my football related pain, then the free Joan Jett show at the Emerald Queen Casino on New Year's Eve will surely be one hell of an alcohol fueled throwdown – complete with cigarette smoke and the sense of awe that comes with watching a music icon take the stage at a casino.



But more important than the booze – believe it or not – Joan Jett kicks ass. Literally. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the picture we’re running with this piece (I haven’t actually seen it yet, but I assume it depicts Jett wailing on her guitar and looking tougher than you or I ever will.)



On New Year’s Eve that toughness, rock ‘n’ roll attitude, punk rock persona and legendary swagger will be on full display at the Emerald Queen Casino in Tacoma.



 In a night jam packed with entertainment options, this just might be your best bet.



Much like Shanahan, Joan Jett is a legend – only her expertise comes in rock not the gridiron. Consider Jett’s resume:

1. She co-founded the Runaways at 15

2. She has eight platinum and gold albums, and nine top 40 singles

3. She was the first female artist to own and operate an independent record company – Blackheart Records

4. Duh. The songs “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll” and "I Hate Myself for Loving You"

5. She produced a record for Bikini Kill, not to mention the Germs’ classic GI

6. She acted in the Tony nominated musical Rocky Horror Picture Show, not to mention movies like 1987’s Light of Day (with Michael J. Fox, yo!)

7. She now hosts a weekly Sirius Satellite radio show

8. She was one of only two women on Rolling Stone’s list of the 100 greatest guitar players of all time

9. She’s been a headliner in recent years on the Vans Warped Tour

Now, if I was building a team – a rock ‘n’ roll team, that is – a figure like Joan Jett would be tops on my list. She has it all – without question. She’s built her name and resume for a reason, because she’s got the drive, determination and – more than anything – the chops to connect with people far and wide. There’s a reasons Joan Jett hasn’t gone anywhere – because she can still get the job done.



I just wish the same could be said for Mike Shanahan and the Broncos.



[Emerald Queen Casino, Wednesday, Dec. 31, 8:30 p.m., no cover, 2024 E. 29th St., Tacoma, 253.594.7777]