In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you find something to do other than reminisce about that one time it broke 75 degrees.

This week's column takes us to Tacoma, where Father's Day is right around the corner.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

With Father's Day coming up fast, the manufacturing of bogus Father's Day swag has no doubt been in high gear for months. "Father of the Year" coffee mugs, "Best Dad Ever" T-shirts and "Awesome Sperm Donor" drink cozies have surely been flying off the shelves.

In Tacoma last weekend, a father who doesn't deserve any of these gifts made headlines.

According to reports in the News Tribune, a 26-year-old man sits accused of taking his 3-year-old son on a ride that in all likelihood will make the future coaching of T-ball teams, or any fatherly contact, for that matter, all but impossible for this allegedly dumb-as-hell dad.

As the crime-reporting pen of the Trib's Stacy Mulick tells it, on the night of Sunday, June 12, a mother called police at approximately 8 p.m. from her home in Tacoma, reporting her son had been taken by his father without permission. The woman also alleged the father, in addition to snatching the boy unlawfully, was carrying the child in a vehicle without a car seat.

Police quickly responded and, according to the News Tribune, spotted the car and attempted to stop it a short time later. However, the man behind the wheel allegedly sped off instead of pulling over, and the police decided to not give chase for fear of putting the boy in further danger. Instead, police returned to the mother's home and continued their investigation.

Miraculously, and stupidly, the boy's father allegedly showed up a short time later. Whether or not the sight of police already at the scene scared him into moronicy (or if he resides there permanently) is unclear, but according to reports what happened next defies even the shakiest of parenting rationales. Police say the man - without stopping - pushed the 3-year-old out of the car and sped off. Amazingly, the boy suffered only minor injuries and some road rash. (This, of course, doesn't take into account the emotional toll or the future psychiatric bills.)

The good news: The exiting of the boy from the car gave police the go-ahead to chase the dumb bastard behind the wheel to their heart's content, which they did until he inevitably careened his car into two others at the intersection of South 15th and MLK, after running a red light. According to reports, those involved in the accident sustained only minor injuries, with the Father of the Year taken to a local hospital - where he was still receiving treatment as of Monday. Police spokesman Mark Fulghum tells the News Tribune the man will be booked into the Pierce County Jail as soon as he's released from the hospital. - Jim Anderson, Father Related Crime Correspondent